Yippee!!! The divorce hearing has been officially scheduled for September 22. It didn't take as long to get it rescheduled from Aug 30 as I thought it would. I figured I would be waiting until Christmas.
Finally there is a light at the end of the nightmare tunnel. I will be able to slam the damn door on the nightmare of the past 12 years and get back to living my life on my terms. Just the smell of freedom from TheColdOne makes me giddy.
I know that the hearing itself will be hard. I have not had to look at the face of TheColdOne in almost 2 years which has been quite a blessing. The length of time is definitely a benefit for me - my heart and my head have had a chance to heal and it has allowed me to look back at the marriage with eyes wide open. I am not looking forward to having to testify but I am not afraid of the truth so it will be easy. I won't have to try to remember what answer I put down on my interrogatory since my answers were completely truthful. Can't slip up if you don't tell a fib. I know that I will get teary - it's hard to admit that you were such a fool for loving such an absolute toad.
I'm going to have all my prayer warriors working hard that day to ensure that my heart and my head are focused and steady. I know that whatever the outcome is, it is God's will - not mine or anyone elses. I will just be grateful for the freedom. And I know someone else who has been looking as forward to this as I have - wink wink - and I ain't talking about TheColdOne. Hang tight - we're almost there!!!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Funny Divorce Gifts
I was actually researching the Internet for a "things not to say to someone going through a divorce" when I came across some extremely funny divorce gifts and cards. I figured that everyone had been on such a downer lately that we could all use a few laughs.
First the cards - they range from irreverent to absolutely trashy but they can certainly make you laugh...
Here's one of my favorites...
You can't read the small print on the front in this screen grab but it says "put it in reverse and hit him again." From Chocolate Fantasies.
Cerebralitch has some great cards that are you can send as ecards also.
The inside of this card says "Ha! You Win!"
Then we have the gag gifts...
This is called "Dead Fred Pen Holder". You can take out your frustrations in a legal manner. Found this gem at FindGift.
This little frog transforms into a Prince with just a bit of water. Easier than kissing a bunch of toads while looking for the Prince. Found this over at FindGift also.
Over at Zazzle, you can get this as a refrigerator magnet, t-shirt or anything else you can imagine.
Last but not least -
First the cards - they range from irreverent to absolutely trashy but they can certainly make you laugh...
Here's one of my favorites...
You can't read the small print on the front in this screen grab but it says "put it in reverse and hit him again." From Chocolate Fantasies.
Cerebralitch has some great cards that are you can send as ecards also.
The inside of this card says "Ha! You Win!"
Then we have the gag gifts...
This is called "Dead Fred Pen Holder". You can take out your frustrations in a legal manner. Found this gem at FindGift.
Over at Zazzle, you can get this as a refrigerator magnet, t-shirt or anything else you can imagine.
Last but not least -
Great t-shirt that pretty much says it all!!!
Monday, August 16, 2010
Yes Prayer Does Work!
Whew - I can finally take a deep breath. My Mom's lymph node biopsy showed no malignancy just some microscopic changes. As a precaution, she had a PET scan today. The MD felt it was appropriate due to a needle biopsy only looking at a small piece of the node. I had forgotten but my Mom reminded me that Daddy's first prostate biopsy came back negative then several months later another biopsy showed up as positive. The Doctor was also concerned that she had so many symptoms indicating lymphoma. She sees the oncologist tomorrow so he can look over everything to ensure nothing was missed.
So... my Mom and Dad are off to Alaska on Thursday with such light hearts and minds. I'm going to be babysitting my "baby sister" - their cocker spaniel "bella". (They had her WAY before the Twilight phenom so she is not named after the movie character). I am so excited for them. It's so rare nowadays for a couple to reach the 50th anniversary milestone. Heck I couldn't even make it past 15 years my first time around and only got through 10 with TheColdOne.
I am just so grateful that God has blessed us with this news. I know in my heart that He heard all the prayers and listened to those of us that love her. She is a blessing and we need good souls like her around for a long long time.
God Bless You! And thank you so much for your prayers!
So... my Mom and Dad are off to Alaska on Thursday with such light hearts and minds. I'm going to be babysitting my "baby sister" - their cocker spaniel "bella". (They had her WAY before the Twilight phenom so she is not named after the movie character). I am so excited for them. It's so rare nowadays for a couple to reach the 50th anniversary milestone. Heck I couldn't even make it past 15 years my first time around and only got through 10 with TheColdOne.
I am just so grateful that God has blessed us with this news. I know in my heart that He heard all the prayers and listened to those of us that love her. She is a blessing and we need good souls like her around for a long long time.
God Bless You! And thank you so much for your prayers!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Update On My Mom
The biopsy went fine - Mom tolerated it without any problems. We won't know the results until probably Friday. The radiologist did tell Mom that there were 3 enlarged lymph nodes, not just one, and he biopsied all 3. He also said he noticed some "nodules" in her stomach on the CT Scan but didn't give her any further info on that.
All in all, Mom is hanging in there. The initial shock has worn off. I've been very frank and open with my Mom about the probability that this is lymphoma. As a nurse and a daughter, I couldn't lie to her. The hardest part was being frank and open with my Dad. He came over last night and we had a long talk. I explained what I know about lymphoma and what the possible treatments and prognosis were. It was hard but necessary. I explained to Daddy that Mom needed positive attitudes and encouragement right now - crying every time we look at her is just not an option at this point. It also gave me a chance to remind Daddy that now was not the time to harp on Mom about smoking. I told him that if smoking was the only thing that relieved her stress and gave her comfort, then he had best be going to the store and load up on smokes for her. That actually got a laugh out of him.
I have also been really pushing them to take their planned trip to Alaska for their 50th wedding anniversary. They have had this cruise planned for almost a year and are scheduled to leave on August 19th. In my heart, I know that this trip is something that they both will need with the potential treatments coming up in the next few weeks. Besides, it will give me some quality time with my baby sister - their dog "Bella" who I am babysitting while they are gone.
It's funny - for the first time in a long time, I felt like an adult. I was the comforter instead of being the comfortee. No matter how hard this is or how much it hurts, I have got to stay in control and be the shoulder for my parents. They have always been there for me and it's time for me to return the favor.
When Mom called me with the news last week, I just completely lost it when I hung up the phone. Out loud I asked God if this was why He had brought me "home" to my parents. I almost fainted when I heard the word "Yes" loud and clear, as if He was standing right beside me.
The most important thing I can do right now is pray. I had a prayer chain going yesterday timed to start at the time of the biopsy. I spent that time on my knees reading the "Prayers for the Sick" in my little Book of Common Prayer. I've learned over that past 18 months that just reading the words doesn't bring the message to life so I said my prayers out loud while tears streamed down my face. It really did make me feel better.
So that's the update for now. I'll post another update when we get the official word. Just keep my Mom in your prayers.
God Bless You
All in all, Mom is hanging in there. The initial shock has worn off. I've been very frank and open with my Mom about the probability that this is lymphoma. As a nurse and a daughter, I couldn't lie to her. The hardest part was being frank and open with my Dad. He came over last night and we had a long talk. I explained what I know about lymphoma and what the possible treatments and prognosis were. It was hard but necessary. I explained to Daddy that Mom needed positive attitudes and encouragement right now - crying every time we look at her is just not an option at this point. It also gave me a chance to remind Daddy that now was not the time to harp on Mom about smoking. I told him that if smoking was the only thing that relieved her stress and gave her comfort, then he had best be going to the store and load up on smokes for her. That actually got a laugh out of him.
I have also been really pushing them to take their planned trip to Alaska for their 50th wedding anniversary. They have had this cruise planned for almost a year and are scheduled to leave on August 19th. In my heart, I know that this trip is something that they both will need with the potential treatments coming up in the next few weeks. Besides, it will give me some quality time with my baby sister - their dog "Bella" who I am babysitting while they are gone.
It's funny - for the first time in a long time, I felt like an adult. I was the comforter instead of being the comfortee. No matter how hard this is or how much it hurts, I have got to stay in control and be the shoulder for my parents. They have always been there for me and it's time for me to return the favor.
When Mom called me with the news last week, I just completely lost it when I hung up the phone. Out loud I asked God if this was why He had brought me "home" to my parents. I almost fainted when I heard the word "Yes" loud and clear, as if He was standing right beside me.
The most important thing I can do right now is pray. I had a prayer chain going yesterday timed to start at the time of the biopsy. I spent that time on my knees reading the "Prayers for the Sick" in my little Book of Common Prayer. I've learned over that past 18 months that just reading the words doesn't bring the message to life so I said my prayers out loud while tears streamed down my face. It really did make me feel better.
So that's the update for now. I'll post another update when we get the official word. Just keep my Mom in your prayers.
God Bless You
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Urgent Prayer Request!!!
I am very sad right now. My Mom - who is not only my best friend but my ROCK - is very sick. She has a biopsy scheduled tomorrow for a definitive diagnosis but has all the classic signs of lymphoma. This comes less than 2 weeks before my parents were to leave on an Alaskan cruise for their 50th wedding anniversary.
When I got the news of the possible diagnosis I just sat in stunned silence. This could not be happening - not now - not when my ties with my parents had grown closer than ever. I can't make it without my Mom. I'm not the only one - my poor Daddy is just beside himself with grief and worry. He can't stop touching Mom on the shoulder or arm whenever he walks past her. He even begged God to take him and not my Mom. It just about tore my heart out of my chest.
Mom is the absolute center of our family. Whenever there is a crisis, we all turn to Momma - she may be little but she can take on the fiercest beast without batting an eye. I can't even bear to remotely think of having to go on without her in my life. I know that I will have to face that reality one day - even if this turns out to be a false alarm - but not now, not anytime soon.
But we're all going to have to put on our big girl and big boy underpants - now is not a time for weakness or wallowing in sorrow. Mom has ALWAYS been there for us and now it is our turn to do the same for her. We're all very selfish and have spent our lives willing to let Mom do the heavy lifting in times of trouble. We have to set aside our petty little problems and focus on her. It's the least we can do.
In the meantime, I'm asking for everyone to send up prayers for my Mom. I know that God's plan is set but prayer certainly will keep the focus where it should be right now.
Thank you for your concern and your prayers.
When I got the news of the possible diagnosis I just sat in stunned silence. This could not be happening - not now - not when my ties with my parents had grown closer than ever. I can't make it without my Mom. I'm not the only one - my poor Daddy is just beside himself with grief and worry. He can't stop touching Mom on the shoulder or arm whenever he walks past her. He even begged God to take him and not my Mom. It just about tore my heart out of my chest.
Mom is the absolute center of our family. Whenever there is a crisis, we all turn to Momma - she may be little but she can take on the fiercest beast without batting an eye. I can't even bear to remotely think of having to go on without her in my life. I know that I will have to face that reality one day - even if this turns out to be a false alarm - but not now, not anytime soon.
But we're all going to have to put on our big girl and big boy underpants - now is not a time for weakness or wallowing in sorrow. Mom has ALWAYS been there for us and now it is our turn to do the same for her. We're all very selfish and have spent our lives willing to let Mom do the heavy lifting in times of trouble. We have to set aside our petty little problems and focus on her. It's the least we can do.
In the meantime, I'm asking for everyone to send up prayers for my Mom. I know that God's plan is set but prayer certainly will keep the focus where it should be right now.
Thank you for your concern and your prayers.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Before You Get Involved in Another Relationship, Some Divorce Stats You May Want to Know
While researching information for my new book, I came across some interesting and surprising divorce statistics regarding marriage after divorce.
Those statistics literally blew me out of the water. I would have thought that after the first marriage ended in divorce, people would be more selective about their next partner and more wise about relationships. But obviously that is not true.
Why do so many subsequent marriages end in divorce? Could it be that after the trauma of the first divorce people are just looking for someone to reaffirm their belief in "happily ever after"? Is it the case of too high expectations coupled with the reality of day to day living? Maybe it is just some of us have a screwed up "mate picker" and fall for the first person who sweeps us off our feet?
In my case, I truly believed TheColdOne was my soulmate. When we took our vows, I actually believed the part about "til death do us part". For TheColdOne, based on his rantings at the end of our marriage, the vows actually meant "until I feel too tied down" or "until something better comes along." I know that I did my part to contribute to the collapse of the marriage and accept that responsibility. Suffering from long term chronic depression certainly didn't help matters. BUT it's hard to keep a marriage working when less than a month after the wedding you discover that your ColdOne was still communicating with his ex-wife and lying to you about it - not to mention the subsequent "special meetings" with "discussions" about tan lines and such.
I wish I had known about the divorce statistics before I made the leap into a mistake of Biblical proportions. Based on the statistics, the marriage was doomed from the start - especially since I was wife #4. That is no excuse but it certainly makes the sting of the divorce a little less personal and more of an expected outcome.
I will certainly keep those stats in mind as I continue my trek through single-hood. Especially now that I will be in the 3rd marriage category. It does give me a chuckle though - who ever falls for TheColdOne's schtick about "never being loved" and "being the answer to his prayers" is screwed before she becomes #5.
The US divorce rate for second marriages is from 60% to 67%.
After 3 marriages the US divorce rate is from 73% to 74%.
Those statistics literally blew me out of the water. I would have thought that after the first marriage ended in divorce, people would be more selective about their next partner and more wise about relationships. But obviously that is not true.
Why do so many subsequent marriages end in divorce? Could it be that after the trauma of the first divorce people are just looking for someone to reaffirm their belief in "happily ever after"? Is it the case of too high expectations coupled with the reality of day to day living? Maybe it is just some of us have a screwed up "mate picker" and fall for the first person who sweeps us off our feet?
In my case, I truly believed TheColdOne was my soulmate. When we took our vows, I actually believed the part about "til death do us part". For TheColdOne, based on his rantings at the end of our marriage, the vows actually meant "until I feel too tied down" or "until something better comes along." I know that I did my part to contribute to the collapse of the marriage and accept that responsibility. Suffering from long term chronic depression certainly didn't help matters. BUT it's hard to keep a marriage working when less than a month after the wedding you discover that your ColdOne was still communicating with his ex-wife and lying to you about it - not to mention the subsequent "special meetings" with "discussions" about tan lines and such.
I wish I had known about the divorce statistics before I made the leap into a mistake of Biblical proportions. Based on the statistics, the marriage was doomed from the start - especially since I was wife #4. That is no excuse but it certainly makes the sting of the divorce a little less personal and more of an expected outcome.
I will certainly keep those stats in mind as I continue my trek through single-hood. Especially now that I will be in the 3rd marriage category. It does give me a chuckle though - who ever falls for TheColdOne's schtick about "never being loved" and "being the answer to his prayers" is screwed before she becomes #5.
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