You Just Have to Laugh

The old saying, "Laughter is the best medicine", certainly holds true when you are going through a divorce and/or depression. A year ago I thought I would never laugh again but it truly comes easy now.

Find something that makes you laugh.  A good comedy on video is a great start.  I love "First Wives' Club" just because of the whole "revenge" thing.  If you don't mind foul language, go for the belly laughs with "The Hangover" - especially the taser scene or the naked man jumping out of the trunk scene or the Mike Tyson scene. (Can you tell I love this movie?)  I can't stop laughing when I watch it.  Whatever you do, stay away from romantic comedies.  They always have a syrupy happily ever after moment and we all know that kind of stuff doesn't happen in the real world. Serious dramas are a no-no. The world is just too damned depressing to have to stress out while watching a movie. 

I am blessed to have a busy 2 1/2 year old grandson who loves to laugh.  When he comes over, we just play.  It doesn't matter what we do - both of us end up laughing.  It' so freeing to just be silly.  So if you have a little one around, get down on the floor, play with the cars and make stupid noises. Grab some playdoh and make funny animals. If it's warm enough, go outside and crank up the water hose - that will certainly bring a lot of laughs.  You'll be amazed at how good you feel. And the little one will enjoy it as much as you.

If you can't find a toddler and you've run out of movie choices, pop over to YouTube on the Internet.  You can find all sorts of funny videos there. Type "reporter bloopers" in the search box and you can spend hours howling with laughter at some of the results. If you're desperate and potty-humor makes you laugh, find one of the online fart machines.  If you are anything like me, that will get you started laughing right off the bat.

Whatever brings you joy - do it.  Laugh outloud.  Laugh at something stupid that you just did - I leaned over too far in my chair the other day and tipped out onto the floor.  After I realized I wasn't hurt, I sat on the floor laughing at the stupidity of it all. Don't be embarrassed - just let it all out.  Your heart will feel 10lbs lighter.

Our time on this earth is too short to sit around in a perpetual pity party.  Sure the whole world situation stinks right now - money is tight and you're going through so many changes that you don't know what to do.  But if you can laugh, you can better deal with the crap sandwich you've been handed.

Hope in A Crisis

I took this picture in my back yard yesterday.  I was burning some leaves in my little "burn bucket" and the smoke picked up the rays of sunlight coming through the tree.  The beautiful rays of sun were hidden until the smoke brought them into view.

What a perfect image to demonstrate how a crisis can work in your life.  Something dark and overwhelming can reveal an inner beauty that you could not see before.  Some of the most profound experiences I've shared with God were brought about by crisis - most especially during this divorce.  Little did I know that the "smoke" of being a discarded spouse would bring out the rays of light in my life.

No matter how dire the circumstances or dark the day, there is hope hidden among the darkness.
May God continue to bless you in your time of need.

The Most Common Excuse - I'm Not Happy

It's the most common phrase used to justify the end to a marriage - "I'm not happy".  Come to think of it, the happiness excuse is probably the 2nd ranked all-time excuse with the first being "the dog ate my homework".  People are willing to completely turn lives upside down all in that elusive quest for "happiness".

Many people use the unhappiness excuse as a cover for other reasons.  Sometimes there is another person - maybe not sexually but someone that for the moment pushes the adrenaline button to give the sensation of happiness and caring.  Other times it is just simply immaturity and selfishness.  Whatever the reason, the unhappiness excuse is devastating to the person that is the recipient of this self-esteem bombshell.

Let's face it - there is nothing more heart-wrenching than believing that you are the sole reason another person is miserable.  You start feeling guilty and blaming yourself.  No sickening "quotes" or adages from family and friends make you feel better.  All you can think of is your very existence made someone "unhappy". The fact that the "unhappy one" is someone who pledged their life to you for eternity is simply just salt in a gaping wound.

But stop blaming yourself for everything.  YOU are not responsible for someone else's happiness.  Sure you can think of a million things that you could have or should have done but would that really change anything?  Maybe in the short term.  Happiness has to be cultivated from within.  True happiness is in your soul - not in someone else's bed or in the freedom to do as you damned well please. 

In my case, TheColdOne claimed that some of his unhappiness stemmed from his lack of freedom (perhaps more factually accurate as "his perception of his lack of freedom").  TheColdOne could only be happy if he was free to do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted with no questions asked.  More of a selfish self-centered issue than a happiness issue.

Don't let this excuse ruin you or make you feel tainted. Yes you do have some responsibility in the disintegration of the relationship but it's not a solo burden.  It may not seem like it right now but that little unhappiness excuse has just released you from a prison of emotions.  A woman's intuition is quite remarkable and though you may not have picked up on the downslide mentally, in your heart you could feel it. 

Let your ColdOne play the "Unhappiness Card" to cut & run from the vows and promises they made.  You now have some serious work to do - cultivating your faith and nourishing your soul. The good thing is that you can now focus on yourself - probably for the first time in years.  It will not be easy and you will shed MANY tears but get through it you will.

As for the unhappy partner, cut them loose.  Let them suck the life out of someone else in their quest for happiness.  Chances are they will never find true happiness - only momentary periods of self-satisfaction.  But that isn't your problem anymore.  And that is a good thing.

During the first weekend after I received the "I'm Not Happy" slap in the face, my Dad made a bet with me.  Daddy said that in 6 months I would be much more content and glad that this divorce was forced onto me.  At the time I was curled up in a ball in the den at their home and trying to prevent myself from ripping apart.  Fat chance on his winning that bet.  Or so I thought.  It didn't even take 6 months for me to have an answer.  My Daddy won the bet.

May God continue to bless you on this journey.

In These Times - 2 Prayers to Help You Get Through the Day

We all are living in troubled times.  Even if your life is secure right now, there is enough uncertainty in the world to keep everyone on edge.  Here are 2 prayers that will help you focus on Strength, Faith and Wholeness.

Wholeness Blessing - We Are Not Broken
We walk in troubled times
But let us not be troubled souls
We stand in financial challenge
But let us not see our lives only in crisis
We have suffered loss, pain and indignities
But we have survived, and we will survive
We have been hurt and we may be broke
But we are not broken
AMEN
- Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway

Prayer for Strength and Faith
Dear Lord
In these troubling times
I am filled with unspeakable fears.
I reach my hand out to you now.
I ask you to walk beside me.
Please help me hold on strong
During these storms
And help me hold my hopes high,
Even in the darkest hour.
AMEN.
- Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway

May these prayers help you find comfort and strength - no matter what your life situation is right now.