One of the first things to do after you get your final divorce decree is change your name on all your personal documents, accounts, etc. That is if you are going back to your maiden name. Going back to my maiden name was a big deal for me - I didn't want to be tied to TheColdOne or his name ever again. Since we had no children together, changing my name was a given. Changing your name is not just a matter of making a few phone calls. There are several steps that you have to manuever but I'm here to help you make the big leap!
First of all, you will need a CERTIFIED copy of your divorce decree with the name change in the document. The courts will not send you one certified copy gratis with your divorce. You have to go to the clerks' office and pay for a certified copy. The cost is minimal though. While there, go ahead a get 2 certified copies. That will save you a trip.
First you need to change your social security card. I had to do this before I could change my name at work or anything else. You can do it by mail but you have to send in the certified copy of your divorce decree. It has to be an original - it can't be a photocopy of the certified one. The Social Security website says that they will send the decree back to you but with the government being involved, I didn't want to take the chance. I went in person to the office - it didn't take long. There were no forms to fill out. I just had to show my driver's license and the divorce decree. There is no cost involved. You will get your new social security card in the mail in a few weeks. The good thing is you get a receipt that shows you have applied for a new social security card and it has your new name on the receipt. This was good enough to use for proof for my job. Hang on to this receipt until you get your new card in the mail.
Next is the drivers' license. This is another thing that you have to do in person. You have a brief form to fill out and of course you will have to wait. Once again, you have to show the certified copy of your decree and your current drivers' license. This one isn't free - the cost here in GA was $25.00 - you get one free name or address change during the certification period of your license. Unfortunately I used up my freebie to change my address. Be forwarned - they do take another picture - you can't just use the old one on file. I didn't know this so now I have a picture for the next 8 years of me with no makeup. They give you a color copy of your new license that serves as proof until the laminated one comes in the mail. It only took about 2 weeks to get mine.
Any professional license, like a nursing license, will also require a form to be filled out. The good thing is you can do this by mail and a photocopy of the certified divorce decree will suffice. The forms are easily downloadable on the organization's websites. Check closely to see if there is a fee involved - most of the time there is.
On to the bank - this is another task that requires an in-person visit. Make sure you have all your updated ID's available and a certified copy of the decree. Don't forget that you will have to order new checks and deposit slips. Unfortunately I had just ordered a new box of checks so I am going to wait a little bit to change the name on my checking accout. Just be aware that your name on your debit card will not match your driver's license until you change your name at the bank.
Last but not least, you will need to make sure your name is changed on all your accounts - electricity, water, car insurance, credit cards, etc. Don't forget your health insurance or your retirement plans. Check with each entity by phone to find out what their requirements are. While you are at it, change your voicemail also. That was one that I almost forgot!
It won't take long but it is a necessary part of divorce. The good thing is that it gives you a sense of closure - it's like tossing away that part of your life and starting anew. Take care of it promptly and start making the transition now! You will be amazed at how liberating it actually is.
Don't forget to take that certified copy of your divorce decree and put it in a safe secure location. If you want to get married again, you'll need it as proof of your divorce. BUT that's the least of my concern right now - I'm having too much fun with no entanglements or ties now.
God Bless You!
Monday, June 27, 2011
Sunday, June 5, 2011
The Door Finally Closes
After a long 2 1/2 years, the door has finally closed on my marriage. It has been a rough 2 1/2 years - lots of tears and lots of emotion. Lots of ups and lots of downs. Lots of worrying and anxiety. But now - thanks to the judge issuing the Final Order of Divorce, it is all over and done with. Amazing that it only takes a 4 page document to end the battle.
There are no words to describe the utter and total relief that overwhelmed me when I received the copy of the Final Order. It wasn't just the amount of money awarded to me - it was more of having closure - that one last loose end was firmly tied off and finished. It was also a sense of vindication - I knew I deserved more than TheColdOne was offering. I knew that I had contributed a lot more to the marriage than he was willing to acknowledge. The Judge's final ruling only confirmed that.
I have to give all thanks and glory to God. Without His continuous presence around me and feeling His unconditional love, I would not have made it to this point. I must admit I questioned Him a LOT while waiting for the final decree. I tried to figure out why it was taking so long and what message God was sending me. Once again I learned to just let it go and let God do His job - He has a plan and there is no point trying to figure it out ahead of time. There was nothing "special" about the date the final order was issued. I didn't do anything different that day. I didn't wake up thinking - today is the day. It was just the time God had determined.
Of course I also have to thank my Mom and Dad, my kids and my host of friends & family for being rocks for me to hang onto during this time. I have learned that there is nothing more important than my family and that I should cherish each and every moment I get to spend with them.
So now it's onward and upward. I went to a pool party Friday night and we cracked open the bottle of champagne that I had saved from my wedding to TheColdOne. I had saved it for us to pop open on our tenth anniversary but we forgot about it. When I moved out, I found it in my closet. It was been sitting here at my house, unopened, waiting for the final decree to come down. The now empty bottle is sitting on my kitchen counter waiting for me to decide on a special place for it. It will always a symbol of my fight to get what I deserve.
That's the best thing about this whole ordeal. I never dreamed that I would have the courage to fight to the end and not give up when the going got tough. When I moved out, I was a shell of a human being - so emotionally fragile that even I wondered if I could get through this. Now I am stronger and have much more confidence in myself. Heck I am far from perfect and never will be, but I know now that with God and my family at my side, I can get through anything.
Over the next couple of weeks, I will be posting some information and tips from my experience through this. Even my attorney doubted that we would get the amount the judge awarded but she stood and fought right along with me. I've learned a lot and hopefully you will find some of it useful.
In the meantime, I am still in a sense of euphoria and relief. I don't think I've been this relaxed in 13 1/2 years - and that's without any Xanax. Life is good and God is great!
God bless you!
There are no words to describe the utter and total relief that overwhelmed me when I received the copy of the Final Order. It wasn't just the amount of money awarded to me - it was more of having closure - that one last loose end was firmly tied off and finished. It was also a sense of vindication - I knew I deserved more than TheColdOne was offering. I knew that I had contributed a lot more to the marriage than he was willing to acknowledge. The Judge's final ruling only confirmed that.
I have to give all thanks and glory to God. Without His continuous presence around me and feeling His unconditional love, I would not have made it to this point. I must admit I questioned Him a LOT while waiting for the final decree. I tried to figure out why it was taking so long and what message God was sending me. Once again I learned to just let it go and let God do His job - He has a plan and there is no point trying to figure it out ahead of time. There was nothing "special" about the date the final order was issued. I didn't do anything different that day. I didn't wake up thinking - today is the day. It was just the time God had determined.
Of course I also have to thank my Mom and Dad, my kids and my host of friends & family for being rocks for me to hang onto during this time. I have learned that there is nothing more important than my family and that I should cherish each and every moment I get to spend with them.
So now it's onward and upward. I went to a pool party Friday night and we cracked open the bottle of champagne that I had saved from my wedding to TheColdOne. I had saved it for us to pop open on our tenth anniversary but we forgot about it. When I moved out, I found it in my closet. It was been sitting here at my house, unopened, waiting for the final decree to come down. The now empty bottle is sitting on my kitchen counter waiting for me to decide on a special place for it. It will always a symbol of my fight to get what I deserve.
That's the best thing about this whole ordeal. I never dreamed that I would have the courage to fight to the end and not give up when the going got tough. When I moved out, I was a shell of a human being - so emotionally fragile that even I wondered if I could get through this. Now I am stronger and have much more confidence in myself. Heck I am far from perfect and never will be, but I know now that with God and my family at my side, I can get through anything.
Over the next couple of weeks, I will be posting some information and tips from my experience through this. Even my attorney doubted that we would get the amount the judge awarded but she stood and fought right along with me. I've learned a lot and hopefully you will find some of it useful.
In the meantime, I am still in a sense of euphoria and relief. I don't think I've been this relaxed in 13 1/2 years - and that's without any Xanax. Life is good and God is great!
God bless you!
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