Friday, December 24, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Day 87 of the Divorce Hostage Crisis
Here I am - sitting on day 87 of the Divorce Hostage Crisis. Yes it has been 87 days since the divorce hearing when the Judge said he would issue a written decision on the divorce settlement. That's a LONG time. It only took the jury 6 hours to come to a verdict in the same court in Effingham in the murder case against Craig Heidt a few weeks ago. Yet here I languish in "unknown land" while the judge piddles around.
I could be bitter and angry but I'm not (ok well may just a little anger). I have waited for almost 2 years to have the albatross aka TheColdOne removed from my neck so what is a few more days, weeks or months? I lived through almost 10 years of mental anguish and abuse from a person that I don't even know now. Despite this, I survived and have actually thrived. I didn't even go through another "mental breakdown" or as TheColdOne called it in court - pretend suicide attempt for attention. As a matter of fact, my psychiatrist is absolutely amazed at how great I have done since driving away from Hell House.
Sure I may complain about the wait - but it's more for the closure than anything. I need that little piece of paper in my hand that says I am officially free from all ties to TheColdOne. I want to be able to change my name back to my maiden name - to erase all connections to those years spent with TheColdOne.
I called those years spent married to TheColdOne "wasted years" until a good friend reminded me of the positives in my life that would have never come about had I not married him. For instance, if I had not lived in Effingham County, my daughter would have never met Boston's father which means that I would not have my precious little grandson right now. It's kinda of a "It's a Wonderful Life" situation and that's how I'm approaching things during this waiting period. Whenever I start to bemoan my situation, I think about what I would have missed or not learned had I not shown up at the church that morning in Sept 1998.
So when things start weighing down on you and you start another pity party - think about what you would have missed had you not gone through the tough experiences in your life. I wouldn't be as sure of my strength or comfortable in my own skin, had I not been forced to learn to be so. Most of all I would not have turned to God for comfort had I not been shaken to my very core and left hanging by my fingernails off the cliff of despair.
I look forward to celebrating another joyous Christmas with my family and friends. I am also looking forward to starting the New Year - even if the albatross is still hanging around - because I know that God has great plans for me.
Merry Christmas and God's Blessings to You All.
I could be bitter and angry but I'm not (ok well may just a little anger). I have waited for almost 2 years to have the albatross aka TheColdOne removed from my neck so what is a few more days, weeks or months? I lived through almost 10 years of mental anguish and abuse from a person that I don't even know now. Despite this, I survived and have actually thrived. I didn't even go through another "mental breakdown" or as TheColdOne called it in court - pretend suicide attempt for attention. As a matter of fact, my psychiatrist is absolutely amazed at how great I have done since driving away from Hell House.
Sure I may complain about the wait - but it's more for the closure than anything. I need that little piece of paper in my hand that says I am officially free from all ties to TheColdOne. I want to be able to change my name back to my maiden name - to erase all connections to those years spent with TheColdOne.
I called those years spent married to TheColdOne "wasted years" until a good friend reminded me of the positives in my life that would have never come about had I not married him. For instance, if I had not lived in Effingham County, my daughter would have never met Boston's father which means that I would not have my precious little grandson right now. It's kinda of a "It's a Wonderful Life" situation and that's how I'm approaching things during this waiting period. Whenever I start to bemoan my situation, I think about what I would have missed or not learned had I not shown up at the church that morning in Sept 1998.
So when things start weighing down on you and you start another pity party - think about what you would have missed had you not gone through the tough experiences in your life. I wouldn't be as sure of my strength or comfortable in my own skin, had I not been forced to learn to be so. Most of all I would not have turned to God for comfort had I not been shaken to my very core and left hanging by my fingernails off the cliff of despair.
I look forward to celebrating another joyous Christmas with my family and friends. I am also looking forward to starting the New Year - even if the albatross is still hanging around - because I know that God has great plans for me.
Merry Christmas and God's Blessings to You All.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
I'm Already Tired and It's Not Christmas Yet!
WHEW! Is it Christmas yet? I swear the time just seems to fly by, the older I get. It seems like just yesterday Boston and I were playing in the swimming pool in the backyard and now I'm sitting here wrapped up in a bathroom.
This time of year is always crazy busy - not just with Christmas and holiday stuff - but with my job. Seems like home health admissions sky-rocket when it starts getting colder and this year is certainly no exception. We've all been pulling 12 hour days for about a month now and it's really starting to take it's toll. I actually fell asleep during a conference call the other day. Thank goodness I had my phone on mute so they couldn't hear me snore.
This year we have the added activities of wedding planning. I told you that Jenn would have the thing planned before the first of the year and she's right on track. We went looking at dresses a few weeks ago and ended up finding THE DRESS. It's absolutely beautiful - all lace and very vintage looking. Hunter went with us and was such a trip - he definitely had an opinion about the dresses with comments such as "too sparkly" or "too plain". First time I've ever seen an almost 5 year old behave that long at a dress shop. Boston was hunting rabbits with his new puppy and Justin & Poppy. He wouldn't have lasted 10 minutes in the store and neither would have the dressses.
Life is good despite setbacks. Money just seems to get tighter and tighter. Christmas is going to be bare-bones this year but that's okay. We've all gotten way too extravagant during Christmas and that tends to muddle the reason for the season.
Still haven't heard from the Judge on the final divorce settlement and papers. We were joking the other day that it's like TheColdOne is my "albatross" - the weight around my neck that I just can't seem to get rid of. I try to not fret about it because I know that it is all part of God's plan and I need to quit trying to do His job - but damn it's hard. I do miss being married this time of year though. I miss not having someone to cuddle up with in bed on these cold nights. Oh well - better to have a dry crust eaten in peace than steak eaten in strife.
Keep fighting the good fight and hang in through the tough times. No matter how bad things seem, there is always someone with much more serious issues than you. When you are as tired as I am, that's the only thing that keeps me going - being thankful no matter what my circumstances because things could be a heckuva lot worse - and believe me, they have been MUCH worse.
May God Continue to Bless You!
This time of year is always crazy busy - not just with Christmas and holiday stuff - but with my job. Seems like home health admissions sky-rocket when it starts getting colder and this year is certainly no exception. We've all been pulling 12 hour days for about a month now and it's really starting to take it's toll. I actually fell asleep during a conference call the other day. Thank goodness I had my phone on mute so they couldn't hear me snore.
This year we have the added activities of wedding planning. I told you that Jenn would have the thing planned before the first of the year and she's right on track. We went looking at dresses a few weeks ago and ended up finding THE DRESS. It's absolutely beautiful - all lace and very vintage looking. Hunter went with us and was such a trip - he definitely had an opinion about the dresses with comments such as "too sparkly" or "too plain". First time I've ever seen an almost 5 year old behave that long at a dress shop. Boston was hunting rabbits with his new puppy and Justin & Poppy. He wouldn't have lasted 10 minutes in the store and neither would have the dressses.
Life is good despite setbacks. Money just seems to get tighter and tighter. Christmas is going to be bare-bones this year but that's okay. We've all gotten way too extravagant during Christmas and that tends to muddle the reason for the season.
Still haven't heard from the Judge on the final divorce settlement and papers. We were joking the other day that it's like TheColdOne is my "albatross" - the weight around my neck that I just can't seem to get rid of. I try to not fret about it because I know that it is all part of God's plan and I need to quit trying to do His job - but damn it's hard. I do miss being married this time of year though. I miss not having someone to cuddle up with in bed on these cold nights. Oh well - better to have a dry crust eaten in peace than steak eaten in strife.
Keep fighting the good fight and hang in through the tough times. No matter how bad things seem, there is always someone with much more serious issues than you. When you are as tired as I am, that's the only thing that keeps me going - being thankful no matter what my circumstances because things could be a heckuva lot worse - and believe me, they have been MUCH worse.
May God Continue to Bless You!
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