So many times over the past 3 years I have allowed myself to wallow in a vat of self-pity with an extra large side order of "woe is me". Believe me I have tried to avoid it but sometimes I just can't help myself. The good thing about having so much time for introspection is that you start to learn a lot about yourself - sometimes it isn't so pretty either. It has helped open my eyes to what I should be focused on and where I need to expend my energy.
Remember the story of Jesus walking on the water? (Matthew 14:22-33) If you recall, Peter was able to walk on the water AS LONG AS HE KEPT HIS EYES ON JESUS! Once Peter started letting his mind wander, he began to sink in the water, Peter lost his trust in the Lord to keep him safe. That's what happens so many times in my life. Things will be rocking along just fine and them BLAM - I get hit upside the head with a "situation". Sure some situations are more dire than others - some are just simply petty little things that I let get me sidetracked. No matter what size the situation is, it so consumes my brain that I lose my focus and I start sinking down into the pit of pity and anger. I allow myself to take my eyes off Jesus and my walk with Him and try to fix things myself.
Oh I'm not so smart that I thought of this all by myself. It was in the midst of our priest's sermon about Peter and Jesus walking on water that the light bulb clicked on over my head. That is the missing piece - taking our eyes off the only one that can guide us through the darkness and despair while loving us just as much.
My grandmother had a beautiful picture of Jesus that I loved looking at as a kid. Goodness knows what happened to it after she died. While trying to find the right picture for my home office, I came across a framed print just like the one my grandma had. I bought it and it is now right over my computer monitor in my office. Whenever I feel like I'm starting to lose focus, I can look right up in Jesus' face and remember where my focus should be.
I highly recommend having some type of visual reminder close by at all times. It doesn't have to be anything expensive - it can be something as simple as a Bible verse written on an index card. Just keep it nearby so when your feet start sinking into the pit of pity, you have something to focus on. Believe me, it works and you won't be sorry.
While I'm thinking about it - here are a couple of other things that just recently helped me get through a difficult moment of two. First of all, the book "Heaven Is For Real". When you are doubting if walking with the Lord is worth it, flip through this book. You can't help but be inspired and probably somewhat relieved to know that Heaven is real.
Secondly, I must recommend the movie, "Soul Surfer". It is a true story and so inspirational that you will need a box of kleenex to get through it. If you are feeling sorry for yourself and questioning why you are here or what you did to deserve "this", turn on this movie. You will not feel the same by the time the credits begin to roll.
As always, may God be with you.
robin
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
As Robin's World Turns
Who needs a soap opera when you have the kind of drama-filled like that I have? I mean it has truly gotten out of hand since the last time I posted.
Here is the update - On the very last day of the deadline for filing an appeal against the Settlement issued by the judge, TheColdOne's attorney (you guessed it) filed an appeal. It was really pretty sad because it was pretty much based on a clerical error and didn't have one ounce of fact based merit. Of course we replied and the judge completely dismissed the appeal and signed an amended order with the corrected clerical error - there was no change whatsoever in the settlement but he did leave in the date for the payment from the original order.
Well of course that date has come and gone and I still don't have the money. TheColdOne's attorney is not returning phone calls or emails from my attorney so we are filing the contempt paperwork by the end of the week. Since TheColdOne is supposed to judge at the Hunting Retriever Club's Grand Competition in Canada in September, we are also asking the judge to withhold his passport and restrict all travel until he pays up.
You may think I'm bitter especially if you are just now finding my blog. I am but not about the divorce or the failed marriage. I am mad as hell that TheColdOne can't even man up enough to pay his responsibilities. I know it just pissed him off to see what the judge ordered for the settlement - should have taken the $8000 settlement offer idiot - but that's how the chips fell. You can believe that if the situation were reversed, he would be beating down my door to get the money. It's not my fault that he spent money like a drunken sailor at the low-class Hooters wannabe bar near our house or that hanging with strippers at the Gold Club cost so much.
But in the end, he will have to pay up. He's not hurting me by not paying - that's the whole point of the little game he is playing. I have the money to pay for my daughter's wedding and I've managed quite well with just my salary for the past 2 1/2 years. I hope, for his sake, that he decides to do the right thing sooner than later. It will be quite embarrassing to have to admit to the Grand Committee that he can't judge the field trials because he is a deadbeat.
OK - now I've got to go pray for forgiveness for being so mean and angry. I refuse to let TheColdOne and his games to control my life. That's one of the reasons that I love writing!
May God be with you.
Here is the update - On the very last day of the deadline for filing an appeal against the Settlement issued by the judge, TheColdOne's attorney (you guessed it) filed an appeal. It was really pretty sad because it was pretty much based on a clerical error and didn't have one ounce of fact based merit. Of course we replied and the judge completely dismissed the appeal and signed an amended order with the corrected clerical error - there was no change whatsoever in the settlement but he did leave in the date for the payment from the original order.
Well of course that date has come and gone and I still don't have the money. TheColdOne's attorney is not returning phone calls or emails from my attorney so we are filing the contempt paperwork by the end of the week. Since TheColdOne is supposed to judge at the Hunting Retriever Club's Grand Competition in Canada in September, we are also asking the judge to withhold his passport and restrict all travel until he pays up.
You may think I'm bitter especially if you are just now finding my blog. I am but not about the divorce or the failed marriage. I am mad as hell that TheColdOne can't even man up enough to pay his responsibilities. I know it just pissed him off to see what the judge ordered for the settlement - should have taken the $8000 settlement offer idiot - but that's how the chips fell. You can believe that if the situation were reversed, he would be beating down my door to get the money. It's not my fault that he spent money like a drunken sailor at the low-class Hooters wannabe bar near our house or that hanging with strippers at the Gold Club cost so much.
But in the end, he will have to pay up. He's not hurting me by not paying - that's the whole point of the little game he is playing. I have the money to pay for my daughter's wedding and I've managed quite well with just my salary for the past 2 1/2 years. I hope, for his sake, that he decides to do the right thing sooner than later. It will be quite embarrassing to have to admit to the Grand Committee that he can't judge the field trials because he is a deadbeat.
OK - now I've got to go pray for forgiveness for being so mean and angry. I refuse to let TheColdOne and his games to control my life. That's one of the reasons that I love writing!
May God be with you.
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