I listen to the radio via the Internet while I'm working and there was a commercial for some "save your marriage" seminar. A woman's voice talks about how her husband wanted out of the marriage and she decided to attend the seminar by herself. Miraculously he now wants back in the marriage and is going to the seminar with her. The evil side of me yelled "stupid bitch" at the radio while the good side of me said "awww- isn't that nice".
But it got me thinking - there are times when I wander off mentally into Robin's Fantasy Land and picture a soap opera/romance novel moment with a climactic scene of regret and tears and begging culminating into a fade out as we fall into each others' arms. Those trips to fantasyland have gotten fewer and fewer with more time elapsing between the excursions as the whole divorce drama has lingered on. But what about those that do decide to "kiss and make up"? What would it take to make you throw caution to the wind and say "to hell with the past, let's go for it"?
In my case - nothing. Sure there are still feelings there - you can't be married to someone for 10 years and give your body/soul to them without still having some component of "caring deeply" for them. But those feelings cannot compare to the deliberate and thoughtless pain inflicted without a care about how I would get through it. The absolute devastation of being thrown away like a piece of garbage just because you didn't fulfill the "happiness" quotient in their lives. The trauma of not knowing where you were going to live or how you were going to pay your bills while the other partied down with his home-boys and girls. The feeling of utter failure and despair combined with a heart shattered into a million pieces while you are forced to completely start over.
Now don't get me wrong - I have forgiven TheColdOne because I could not move forward in my own life without doing so. BUT I will never forget and that's a good thing. Fool me once - shame on you. Fool me twice - shame on me. The life lessons learned are ones that can never be forgotten. They act as a shield to temptation as I move forward with my life. I've discovered that I would rather live having a battery operated "item" as my only source of intimacy than give my heart away to someone who doesn't value it as much as I do.
But everyone's case is different. You have to decide for yourself what is right for YOU. I would suggest lots of prayer and tons of counseling - individual and joint before doing anything. This time the ball is in your court - you can set the ground rules and limits on the relationship. Do not slip back into the subserviant role and allow your ColdOne to bully you into anything. Trust your gut instinct - if things don't feel right, they probably aren't. Also beware of the payback factor especially if you received a nice settlement in the divorce. There are so many things to consider but the first thing you MUST do is determine what YOU want. If you don't want to take the risk of the same crap happening again after you are a bit older with less opportunities available to you, then don't do it. The number one question to ask - is the he worth it?
In my case the answer is not just "no" - it's HELL. TO. THE. NO.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
A Great Way to Save Some $$
A long time ago, I was a coupon cutting fiend. But I let it slide and forgot about coupons. Living on my own with a tight budget, I have learned to love coupons again. But cutting coupons out of the newspaper on Sunday is not the only way to go anymore. There are many innovative ways to save money at the grocery and drug store.
First - go to the dollar store and buy one of those little accordian style coupon holders. This will keep you from having coupons scattered willy-nilly all over the place. Plus it's easy to slip into your purse when you head out the door. Word of caution - clean out the coupon organizer about once a month so you don't end up with a plethora of expired coupons.
If you subscribe to the Sunday paper, great - you already have a source for coupons. But don't buy a weekend subscription just to get the coupons. If you have a neighbor that gets the Sunday paper, ask them if they use their coupons - if not, politely ask if you can have them. If you go to McDonalds on a Sunday morning, they usually have newspapers laying around. See it there are any coupon inserts just laying there for the taking. There are even people that go to newspaper recycling places and get permission to dig out the coupon inserts.
One of the easiest things I've found is to print coupons off the Internet. You can print the coupons to any kind of printer - the one drawback is you have to download and install the coupon printing application. This will ensure that you have the readable UPC code on the coupon. I've never had any trouble with the application and Norton software approved its installation on my system.
Check out CouponMom.com or HotCouponWorld.com. Both are great sites and give you many tips/insights including coupons to print. It's not just grocery store coupons either. This past Christmas, my son wanted to buy a "Sit And Spin" for his nephew for Christmas. It just so happens that there was a $10 off coupon on one of the Internet coupon sites. It wasn't limited to any specific store. He took the coupon to ToysRUs and got the toy for $10 cheaper than the advertised price. Pretty cool, huh? You can find pet product coupons, baby item coupons, etc on these sites. All you have to go is click the little checkbox and then print when ready.
Another great source of savings is the "customer savings cards" offered at many of the chain grocery stores, like Kroger, and chain drug stores, like CVS. Years ago, they were considered a pain in the butt - now they are a staple to every savy shopper. Not only do you get discounts on items listed on sale, but you can earn extra "bucks" to use in the store (or in the case of Kroger, at the gas pump). By having the customer savings card, you are also added to their snail mail list and you may receive coupons/free samples in the mail from participating manufacturers. You don't have to pay for the customer savings cards at Kroger or CVS. Some places, like BooksAMillion, charge a fee for their card so think how much you plan on spending at a store annually before you purchase a card.
And last but not least, don't forget to check the weekly sale papers. You can find these online and even have the link sent to your email. Many will allow you to click an item in the online sale paper and it will print out a shopping list for you. Great time saver!
The best feeling in the world is to look at the register total prior to the cashier scanning your customer savings card and your coupons then watch the number drop as the system calculates your savings. I'm just a rookie and I can save anywhere from $30-$50 with my customer card and coupons on my bimonthly grocery trips. And that will pay for a pedicure or even a haircut. All just from clipping coupons...
First - go to the dollar store and buy one of those little accordian style coupon holders. This will keep you from having coupons scattered willy-nilly all over the place. Plus it's easy to slip into your purse when you head out the door. Word of caution - clean out the coupon organizer about once a month so you don't end up with a plethora of expired coupons.
If you subscribe to the Sunday paper, great - you already have a source for coupons. But don't buy a weekend subscription just to get the coupons. If you have a neighbor that gets the Sunday paper, ask them if they use their coupons - if not, politely ask if you can have them. If you go to McDonalds on a Sunday morning, they usually have newspapers laying around. See it there are any coupon inserts just laying there for the taking. There are even people that go to newspaper recycling places and get permission to dig out the coupon inserts.
One of the easiest things I've found is to print coupons off the Internet. You can print the coupons to any kind of printer - the one drawback is you have to download and install the coupon printing application. This will ensure that you have the readable UPC code on the coupon. I've never had any trouble with the application and Norton software approved its installation on my system.
Check out CouponMom.com or HotCouponWorld.com. Both are great sites and give you many tips/insights including coupons to print. It's not just grocery store coupons either. This past Christmas, my son wanted to buy a "Sit And Spin" for his nephew for Christmas. It just so happens that there was a $10 off coupon on one of the Internet coupon sites. It wasn't limited to any specific store. He took the coupon to ToysRUs and got the toy for $10 cheaper than the advertised price. Pretty cool, huh? You can find pet product coupons, baby item coupons, etc on these sites. All you have to go is click the little checkbox and then print when ready.
Another great source of savings is the "customer savings cards" offered at many of the chain grocery stores, like Kroger, and chain drug stores, like CVS. Years ago, they were considered a pain in the butt - now they are a staple to every savy shopper. Not only do you get discounts on items listed on sale, but you can earn extra "bucks" to use in the store (or in the case of Kroger, at the gas pump). By having the customer savings card, you are also added to their snail mail list and you may receive coupons/free samples in the mail from participating manufacturers. You don't have to pay for the customer savings cards at Kroger or CVS. Some places, like BooksAMillion, charge a fee for their card so think how much you plan on spending at a store annually before you purchase a card.
And last but not least, don't forget to check the weekly sale papers. You can find these online and even have the link sent to your email. Many will allow you to click an item in the online sale paper and it will print out a shopping list for you. Great time saver!
The best feeling in the world is to look at the register total prior to the cashier scanning your customer savings card and your coupons then watch the number drop as the system calculates your savings. I'm just a rookie and I can save anywhere from $30-$50 with my customer card and coupons on my bimonthly grocery trips. And that will pay for a pedicure or even a haircut. All just from clipping coupons...
Sunday, May 9, 2010
The Sad Days of May
This has been a sad week of remembrances for me. My first husband and I would have been married 30 years on May 3. We separated on Mother's Day 15 years ago. I met TheColdOne 12 years ago this past week on a blind date. It's enough to make me absolutely dread the first week of May because it dredges up so many conflicting and heart wrenching memories. When you add in the perpetual state of limbo that I am currently living in while waiting for the divorce hearing to be scheduled, it's no wonder that I'm feeling a bit down in the dumps now.
I think it has been a good thing that the whole divorce drama has dragged out for so long, though. It has given me a chance to get my feet solidly back under me and learn to love myself again. It has given me a chance to distance myself from the emotional reaction and move to the practical regarding the divorce. I haven't met some of the personal goals I have set for myself - like losing weight - which really bums me out but the uncontrolled diabetes is making that really difficult. Believe it or not I have not seen TheColdOne once since January 20, 2009 when I drove away from HellHouse for the last time. But since we certainly don't move in the same circles, I didn't expect we would bump into each other. The one time he ran into my daughter, he hightailed it out of the restaurant like a scalded dog. She laughingly said that she never realized her little 5'1" self could be so intimidating.
I worry sometimes that I'm isolating myself too much. I am working 12+ hours a day and sometimes on the weekend. I had to give up my spot on the Red Cross DAT team for now because of my work schedule - but I will be back on duty as soon as I can cut back the hours. I still have my weekly trivia nights and dinner with family/friends not to mention a lively 2 1/2 year old grandson. It is something that I have to be very aware of as it is easy for me to draw into my own little shell.
Working from home has its benefits but it also has its drawbacks. Having interaction with co-workers over the phone or via email is weird - especially when you have never seen them in person. We joke about how we would not even know each other in a crowded room unless we were talking. You lose some of the connectivity with co-workers but on the plus side you avoid any drama in the workplace.
I've hit a bit of writer's block on the new book. I'm finding myself going all over the place with it and not pinning down a consistent focus for the theme. I've asked God to guide me in any way that He sees fit but I'm having trouble with giving up trying to be in control of things. Maybe that's why I'm struggling with the focus...
I have not been as consistent about attending church over the past few weeks which has really left me grasping - just sitting in the church and taking communion gives me such a feeling of peace and comfort. Not to mention how much I enjoy being with my church family.
So it's time to take hold of my own shoulders and give them a good shake. I have so very many blessings that it really is ridiculous for me to focus on the few negatives in my life. After all the "sad days of May" are now behind me and I survived them without any emotional or physical damage. That in itself is something to be grateful for.
I think it has been a good thing that the whole divorce drama has dragged out for so long, though. It has given me a chance to get my feet solidly back under me and learn to love myself again. It has given me a chance to distance myself from the emotional reaction and move to the practical regarding the divorce. I haven't met some of the personal goals I have set for myself - like losing weight - which really bums me out but the uncontrolled diabetes is making that really difficult. Believe it or not I have not seen TheColdOne once since January 20, 2009 when I drove away from HellHouse for the last time. But since we certainly don't move in the same circles, I didn't expect we would bump into each other. The one time he ran into my daughter, he hightailed it out of the restaurant like a scalded dog. She laughingly said that she never realized her little 5'1" self could be so intimidating.
I worry sometimes that I'm isolating myself too much. I am working 12+ hours a day and sometimes on the weekend. I had to give up my spot on the Red Cross DAT team for now because of my work schedule - but I will be back on duty as soon as I can cut back the hours. I still have my weekly trivia nights and dinner with family/friends not to mention a lively 2 1/2 year old grandson. It is something that I have to be very aware of as it is easy for me to draw into my own little shell.
Working from home has its benefits but it also has its drawbacks. Having interaction with co-workers over the phone or via email is weird - especially when you have never seen them in person. We joke about how we would not even know each other in a crowded room unless we were talking. You lose some of the connectivity with co-workers but on the plus side you avoid any drama in the workplace.
I've hit a bit of writer's block on the new book. I'm finding myself going all over the place with it and not pinning down a consistent focus for the theme. I've asked God to guide me in any way that He sees fit but I'm having trouble with giving up trying to be in control of things. Maybe that's why I'm struggling with the focus...
I have not been as consistent about attending church over the past few weeks which has really left me grasping - just sitting in the church and taking communion gives me such a feeling of peace and comfort. Not to mention how much I enjoy being with my church family.
So it's time to take hold of my own shoulders and give them a good shake. I have so very many blessings that it really is ridiculous for me to focus on the few negatives in my life. After all the "sad days of May" are now behind me and I survived them without any emotional or physical damage. That in itself is something to be grateful for.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
"I'll Pray for You" - My New Theme Song
Something to make you laugh - my daughter says that she immediately thought of me when she first heard this song. Remember that laughter IS the best medicine...
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