A divorce can stir up all kinds of emotions – especially anger, stress and anxiety. Just about any emotion known to man can be whipped into a frenzy by a divorce. As if that avalanche of emotions was not enough, the legal process of a divorce only adds to the disaster – especially if it is a contested divorce. If at all possible, it’s best to come to a settlement without the court getting involved.
But, as in my case with TheColdOne, there was no other alternative left for me. If your soon-to-be-ex is hiding assets,refusing to pay you a fair amount or not providing the documentation needed, a contested divorce is your only alternative.
The Courts may order mediation but it was a waste of time for my situation. In almost 2 years, I could not get TheColdOne to agree to a fair settlement. Why would sitting down with a mediator make any difference? I was right and it ended up costing me $200 for the mediator and $1500 in attorney’s fees for the waste of time.
So we ended up going to court. It took over 6 months to get a court date. My attorney was going out on maternity leave at the end of Feb 2010 so we sent a letter to the Court in January asking that the case be scheduled as soon after the maternity leave as possible (the maternity leave ended the last week in April). Numerous letters and phone calls – from my attorney and TheColdOne’s attorney – had no effect. The case was finally scheduled for August 30. As Murphy’s Law would have it, my witnesses would be on an Alaskan Cruise on that date (the cruise was scheduled a year prior) so we agreed to re-schedule the hearing. It was re-scheduled for September 22.
Keep in mind that during this waiting period, my attorney fees were adding up. Every time the attorney called the court, emailed me, wrote a letter, etc trying to get the case scheduled in was an additionalexpense. Couple that with the fact that TheColdOne refused to turn over documentation and most of the research into his financial status was done by my side, and you have quite a hefty legal bill.
The day of the hearing finally arrived and it went as well as can be expected. It took almost 4 hours for both side to present their case. When my attorney completed her closing argument, the judge stated that he was granting the divorce, restoring my name to my maiden name but he was going to review the documentation. He stated that a written settlement would be communicated via the attorneys involved.
That was over 1 month ago and the settlement order has yet to be issued. I may be divorced but have no documentation to prove it. I am back to my maiden name but can’t legally change any of my identification until I have the signed order. Not to mention that I have no idea if I am getting any settlement money so my financial status remains in limbo with a bill for legal fees staring at my face. I don’t even want to bring up the anxiety and stress that this waiting for a settlement has heaped on my shoulders.
According to the Uniform Superior Court Rules for the State of GA, Rule 8.1 Scheduling of Trials clearly states that “…it is the intendment of these rules that no matter be allowed to languish, and the assigned judge is responsible for the orderly movement and disposition of all matters.” I think a delay of over 6 months would qualify as “languishing” and certainly doesn’t pass the “orderly movement” clause.
The Georgia Code of Judicial Conduct states that “Judges shall dispose of all judicial matters fairly,promptly and efficiently.” The commentary underneath this conduct item clearly states that “…judges must demonstrate due regard for the rights of the parties to be heard and to have issues resolved without unnecessary cost or delay.” I think the judge responsible for my case should get a “doesn’t meet expectations” mark on his evaluation for this item.
There is truly no excuse for the multiple delays in getting my divorce resolved. January 8, 2011 will mark the 2 year anniversary of the day TheColdOne decided he wanted his freedom. I certainly hope that I don’t have to wait that long to finally get closure on the disaster that was my marriage.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Three Little Words That Can Change Your Life
There are 3 little words that can change your life. No - I'm not talking about "I love you". The life changing words are "I am sorry". Simple phrase - not difficult to pronounce but it carries such a punch that it can change the course of your entire life.
In this crazy screwed up world where responsibility and accountability are nothing more than talking points for politicians, we all seem to have forgotten how to apologize. How many times have you heard "I'm sorry if what I said offended some people"? That is nothing more than a half-baked way of saying that you know you offended some people without really taking any responsibility for what you said.
How would your life be different if someone had bothered to tell you that they were sorry? I know that events in my life would have been different had TheColdOne ever uttered those 3 little words. I can't recall him ever saying he was sorry or asking for my forgiveness for the things he did to hurt me. (Although he did say "I'm sorry - it's over" when he told me he was filing for divorce). When I caught him running around with his ex-wife behind my back, I ended up getting blamed for it. I was not making him happy, yada yada yada. My favorite excuse was "You should have trusted me enough not to go checking on my emails". HAH - talk about deflecting the blame.
Even when I was in the hospital after my attempted suicide (or as TheColdOne called it in court - "the attention seeking stunt" or the "so-called suicide attempt"), TheColdOne didn't apologize. He just kept saying "I want my old Robin back". Little did he know but the "old Robin" was dead - he killed her with his lack of respect and responsibility. But a simple "I am sorry" could have injected some air into my lungs and brought me back to life - at least that is what my 20/20 hindsight says.
The biggest downside to this failure to apologize is that those of us due the apology end up taking on the blame for the situation. Familiar phrases like "If only I had..." or "I need to behave in this way..." ends up fueling the guilt which after a while ends up dragging us down into a depression. Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that depression is caused by one incident - it is usually a pattern of behaviors over a period of time can trigger a depressive episode. As the depression worsens, you end up shouldering even more of the blame and taking responsibility for everything which only adds fuel to the fire. It's a damned horrific vicious cycle. In my case, TheColdOne's "never apologize" attitude literally sucked the joy out of my life and left me a shell of the person I once was.
Saying "I am sorry" is also a great way to start the forgiveness chain rolling - it's much harder for someone to harbor anger in their heart when you have truly apologized. Sadly there are many people, including TheColdOne, who will never understand the importance of those 3 little words. They'll keep offending people and shoving the blame over onto them until eventually they end up alone in a nursing home with no visitors. But in order for you to live a full and healthy life, forgive you must - even if there is no apology.
So "man up" people (or "woman up" to be politically correct) - accept the responsibility for your actions. Prove that you are accountable for what comes spewing out of your mouth. Say those 3 little words that mean so much to people. I guarantee you that your life will be much better for it.
May God continue to bless you all.
In this crazy screwed up world where responsibility and accountability are nothing more than talking points for politicians, we all seem to have forgotten how to apologize. How many times have you heard "I'm sorry if what I said offended some people"? That is nothing more than a half-baked way of saying that you know you offended some people without really taking any responsibility for what you said.
How would your life be different if someone had bothered to tell you that they were sorry? I know that events in my life would have been different had TheColdOne ever uttered those 3 little words. I can't recall him ever saying he was sorry or asking for my forgiveness for the things he did to hurt me. (Although he did say "I'm sorry - it's over" when he told me he was filing for divorce). When I caught him running around with his ex-wife behind my back, I ended up getting blamed for it. I was not making him happy, yada yada yada. My favorite excuse was "You should have trusted me enough not to go checking on my emails". HAH - talk about deflecting the blame.
Even when I was in the hospital after my attempted suicide (or as TheColdOne called it in court - "the attention seeking stunt" or the "so-called suicide attempt"), TheColdOne didn't apologize. He just kept saying "I want my old Robin back". Little did he know but the "old Robin" was dead - he killed her with his lack of respect and responsibility. But a simple "I am sorry" could have injected some air into my lungs and brought me back to life - at least that is what my 20/20 hindsight says.
The biggest downside to this failure to apologize is that those of us due the apology end up taking on the blame for the situation. Familiar phrases like "If only I had..." or "I need to behave in this way..." ends up fueling the guilt which after a while ends up dragging us down into a depression. Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that depression is caused by one incident - it is usually a pattern of behaviors over a period of time can trigger a depressive episode. As the depression worsens, you end up shouldering even more of the blame and taking responsibility for everything which only adds fuel to the fire. It's a damned horrific vicious cycle. In my case, TheColdOne's "never apologize" attitude literally sucked the joy out of my life and left me a shell of the person I once was.
Saying "I am sorry" is also a great way to start the forgiveness chain rolling - it's much harder for someone to harbor anger in their heart when you have truly apologized. Sadly there are many people, including TheColdOne, who will never understand the importance of those 3 little words. They'll keep offending people and shoving the blame over onto them until eventually they end up alone in a nursing home with no visitors. But in order for you to live a full and healthy life, forgive you must - even if there is no apology.
So "man up" people (or "woman up" to be politically correct) - accept the responsibility for your actions. Prove that you are accountable for what comes spewing out of your mouth. Say those 3 little words that mean so much to people. I guarantee you that your life will be much better for it.
May God continue to bless you all.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Time, Talent, Treasure
We are coming to the end of our stewardship campaign at church - most people cringe when they hear the word "stewardship", automatically thinking "here comes the campaign for money". This year our church took a different track - focusing on Time, Talent & Treasure. The bullet points were so straight to the point that I thought I would share them with you.
Time - When God gives us life, we do not know how much time we have to use that life, but whatever time we have is a gift from God, and we must use it wisely in every activity throughout the day to fulfill God's plan
Talent - God has made each of us a steward - and has given us abilities and talents that are unique. We should use these abilities and talents to serve God. The Bible tells us if we use our talents wisely, we will be better able to use them and will develop others - if we don't use them, we may lose them.
Treasure - The Bible says that we should set aside our "first fruits" - that our offering to God should be the first portion we set aside, not what remains.
You see, these 3 things are not just appropriate for stewardship campaigns - they should guide the way we live our lives. Even if your "treasure" is virtually non-existant, you still have time and talent. Your time is tight but surely you can take a few minutes a day to thank God for your blessings and ask Him for guidance.
Pray on these 3 items and ask God to help you find your way to your purpose. No matter what His response is, always remember that God created a wonderful gift when He created you!
God Bless You!
Time - When God gives us life, we do not know how much time we have to use that life, but whatever time we have is a gift from God, and we must use it wisely in every activity throughout the day to fulfill God's plan
Talent - God has made each of us a steward - and has given us abilities and talents that are unique. We should use these abilities and talents to serve God. The Bible tells us if we use our talents wisely, we will be better able to use them and will develop others - if we don't use them, we may lose them.
Treasure - The Bible says that we should set aside our "first fruits" - that our offering to God should be the first portion we set aside, not what remains.
You see, these 3 things are not just appropriate for stewardship campaigns - they should guide the way we live our lives. Even if your "treasure" is virtually non-existant, you still have time and talent. Your time is tight but surely you can take a few minutes a day to thank God for your blessings and ask Him for guidance.
Pray on these 3 items and ask God to help you find your way to your purpose. No matter what His response is, always remember that God created a wonderful gift when He created you!
God Bless You!
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