Day 87 of the Divorce Hostage Crisis

Here I am - sitting on day 87 of the Divorce Hostage Crisis.  Yes it has been 87 days since the divorce hearing when the Judge said he would issue a written decision on the divorce settlement.  That's a LONG time.  It only took the jury 6 hours to come to a verdict in the same court in Effingham in the murder case against Craig Heidt a few weeks ago.  Yet here I languish in "unknown land" while the judge piddles around.

I could be bitter and angry but I'm not (ok well may just a little anger).  I have waited for almost 2 years to have the albatross aka TheColdOne removed from my neck so what is a few more days, weeks or months?  I lived through almost 10 years of mental anguish and abuse from a person that I don't even know now.  Despite this, I survived and have actually thrived.  I didn't even go through another "mental breakdown" or as TheColdOne called it in court - pretend suicide attempt for attention. As a matter of fact, my psychiatrist is absolutely amazed at how great I have done since driving away from Hell House.

Sure I may complain about the wait - but it's more for the closure than anything.  I need that little piece of paper in my hand that says I am officially free from all ties to TheColdOne.  I want to be able to change my name back to my maiden name - to erase all connections to those years spent with TheColdOne.

I called those years spent married to TheColdOne "wasted years" until a good friend reminded me of the positives in my life that would have never come about had I not married him.  For instance, if I had not lived in Effingham County, my daughter would have never met Boston's father which means that I would not have my precious little grandson right now.  It's kinda of a "It's a Wonderful Life" situation and that's how I'm approaching things during this waiting period.  Whenever I start to bemoan my situation, I think about what I would have missed or not learned had I not shown up at the church that morning in Sept 1998. 

So when things start weighing down on you and you start another pity party - think about what you would have missed had you not gone through the tough experiences in your life.  I wouldn't be as sure of my strength or comfortable in my own skin, had I not been forced to learn to be so.  Most of all I would not have turned to God for comfort had I not been shaken to my very core and left hanging by my fingernails off the cliff of despair.

I look forward to celebrating another joyous Christmas with my family and friends. I am also looking forward to starting the New Year - even if the albatross is still hanging around - because I know that God has great plans for me.

Merry Christmas and God's Blessings to You All.