It's the most common phrase used to justify the end to a marriage - "I'm not happy". Come to think of it, the happiness excuse is probably the 2nd ranked all-time excuse with the first being "the dog ate my homework". People are willing to completely turn lives upside down all in that elusive quest for "happiness".
Many people use the unhappiness excuse as a cover for other reasons. Sometimes there is another person - maybe not sexually but someone that for the moment pushes the adrenaline button to give the sensation of happiness and caring. Other times it is just simply immaturity and selfishness. Whatever the reason, the unhappiness excuse is devastating to the person that is the recipient of this self-esteem bombshell.
Let's face it - there is nothing more heart-wrenching than believing that you are the sole reason another person is miserable. You start feeling guilty and blaming yourself. No sickening "quotes" or adages from family and friends make you feel better. All you can think of is your very existence made someone "unhappy". The fact that the "unhappy one" is someone who pledged their life to you for eternity is simply just salt in a gaping wound.
But stop blaming yourself for everything. YOU are not responsible for someone else's happiness. Sure you can think of a million things that you could have or should have done but would that really change anything? Maybe in the short term. Happiness has to be cultivated from within. True happiness is in your soul - not in someone else's bed or in the freedom to do as you damned well please.
In my case, TheColdOne claimed that some of his unhappiness stemmed from his lack of freedom (perhaps more factually accurate as "his perception of his lack of freedom"). TheColdOne could only be happy if he was free to do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted with no questions asked. More of a selfish self-centered issue than a happiness issue.
Don't let this excuse ruin you or make you feel tainted. Yes you do have some responsibility in the disintegration of the relationship but it's not a solo burden. It may not seem like it right now but that little unhappiness excuse has just released you from a prison of emotions. A woman's intuition is quite remarkable and though you may not have picked up on the downslide mentally, in your heart you could feel it.
Let your ColdOne play the "Unhappiness Card" to cut & run from the vows and promises they made. You now have some serious work to do - cultivating your faith and nourishing your soul. The good thing is that you can now focus on yourself - probably for the first time in years. It will not be easy and you will shed MANY tears but get through it you will.
As for the unhappy partner, cut them loose. Let them suck the life out of someone else in their quest for happiness. Chances are they will never find true happiness - only momentary periods of self-satisfaction. But that isn't your problem anymore. And that is a good thing.
During the first weekend after I received the "I'm Not Happy" slap in the face, my Dad made a bet with me. Daddy said that in 6 months I would be much more content and glad that this divorce was forced onto me. At the time I was curled up in a ball in the den at their home and trying to prevent myself from ripping apart. Fat chance on his winning that bet. Or so I thought. It didn't even take 6 months for me to have an answer. My Daddy won the bet.
May God continue to bless you on this journey.
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