So you're getting on with your life - loving the freedom and the peace - when suddenly a dark cloud rolls in and throws you into a funk for a day or two. WTF? - you scream to yourself. I thought I had moved through all this. Not to worry - it doesn't mean you've had a backslide or that you're reverting to your old negative ways. It means you are human. What is important is what you do on those bad days...
Believe me I've had my share of bad days. Sure they are farther and farther apart but that doesn't mean they've vanished completely. Take today for instance. Bad news from my attorney which means the whole divorce drama will be dragging out for another several months hit me mid-morning. Did I start throwing things around or lay down on the floor crying? NO - okay well a few tears slipped out - but not one of those hysterical crying fits from 1 year ago. I got up from my work area, walked outside with a nice hot cup of coffee and my cigarettes. After a smoke or two, I raked some leaves in my front yard. Yes, it was less than 40 degrees here and I was raking. After bagging up the leaves, I had another smoke, finished my coffee and went back to work. My mind was less muddled and the dark clouds began clearing away.
See - for me - physical activity is the best thing when a bad day hits me. It's hard to focus on the negative when you are raking leaves in the freezing cold. In the last days with TheColdOne, I was popping Xanax and sleeping pills like candy - my bed & sleep were my refuge. Problem was that just kept me in a stupor and left me vulnerable to the hurt he was inflicting on me.
Reading, watching tv, etc are not good for me when I'm feeling blue - mind wanders too easily. Writing helps sometimes but playing on the computer doesn't. Believe it or not, the worst thing for me to do is call one of my friends or my Mom (who is my best friend) and talk about it right then. If I do that I find I am leaning too heavily on someone else and forgetting about MY responsibility to myself. Sure I'll call after a while - usually after the mood passes or lifts a little - and I'll talk to them about it but it doesn't dominate the conversation. I find that I talk to God on a more personal level when I'm having a bad day. I pray every day but when I'm blue, it turns into more of a conversation than a prayer.
The trick is to find what works for you. It may take a while to find the right combination but don't let that nibble at you. Start out with something you like to do that gets the blood pumping. It's hard to stay pissed off when you have pure oxygen pumping through your body. Talk to God - like you would a friend - He is always there and you don't even have to use up your cellphone minutes. Stay away from alcohol and/or the Xanax. They only delay your moving forward.
Bad days are okay - as long as they don't turn into bad weeks. A good rule of thumb to remember is if you're blue or down for more than 4-5 days, call the MD and touch base with him. Don't be ashamed - you won't be the first and you certainly won't be the last.
Take comfort in the bad days - you're starting to "feel" again - and that's a good thing.
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