I have a dear friend who is in the midst of a divorce also. The breakup of her marriage is so similar to mine that it is eerie. She got the same lines I did - "I need my freedom", "I don't get to do the things I want to do", "there's no one else", etc, etc ad nauseum. But there is a catch - there was someone else in her marriage - actually more than 1 someone. These other women were on Internet porn sites, the wannabe Hooters bar & grill down the street and local strip/topless bars. Her hubby had a thing for checking out BJ's on the net and yacking it up with 20ish to 30-something girls at the restaurant/bar. Like most married couples with a healthy sex life, they watched porn together and used fantasizing for stimulation but that was together.
I asked my friend if she knew about all this and why didn't she drop the Big-D bombshell on his sorry ass. What she told me broke my heart. If she ever said a word about his hanging out with the young girls (he was almost 60), he would lash out at her. He told her that she was "stupid" and "paranoid". She would usually back down after his little tirade and drop the subject. She said once they were in WallyWorld and one of the barmaids walked past and her husband about fell over himself to get the girl to say "hey" to him. She said the strip clubs started at his "bachelor" party and she knows that he is a frequent flier since their separation. The Internet porn was another story - she didn't really mind that - after all how many men can truthfully say they don't skim porn. The only thing that bothered her about the porn was that she never felt like she "measured up" to his idea of what sex should be. She was embarassed by her weight and just felt unattractive. Funny thing about all of this - she always felt like he was "looking for someone else". After all this came out, I guess it turns out that he was.
The whole subject led back to the old "sex addiction" claim - like Tiger Woods. I guess there is some truth in sex addiction. I mean what 60 year old man would REALLY think that a 20-30 year old would have any interest in him at all except for the $$. Does he REALLY think she cares for him? More likely she just cares for the folding money he's shoving into her g-string. What about the barmaids? Puh-leeze - the sweeter they are to him, the bigger the tip. Once again - it's all about the money. I'm sure most of them laugh their tight asses off behind his hairy back.
There is a lot of info online about sex addiction and men. You can google it if you think it's an issue in your marriage or breakup. I'm not going to get into all that here since I'm not a licensed psychiatrist. But just remember this - if your husband is hooked on porn, strip clubs and younger women, that is HIS problem. YOU did nothing to cause it. It's NOT because you're inadequate or lacking - it's because HE is.
And just for the record, a lap dance is considered "adultery" in the Biblical sense.
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