In my case, I had a friend that I met through TheColdOne - I'll just call her "FAB" for now. Her hubby and mine were co-workers and really good friends. She and I hit it off - we had a fair amount in common. When Hurricane Floyd was bearing down on the GA coast and evacuations were ordered, FAB was stuck out of town. Her husband was mandated to stay in the area due to his job (as was mine). Her little dog had no where to go so I took her dog with me, my kids and our dog to our evacuation destination. FAB was on special medicine that had to be refrigerated so I took that with me in a cooler in case the hurricane hit and we were forced to stay away from town for a while. We figured that FAB and I could hook up and I could get the medicine to her. We lost close contact over last few years of my marriage but we emailed back and forth.
Once I was forced to move out, I sent FAB an email with my new address and phone number. She wrote back that she was just shocked about the divorce and wanted to know what happened. Thinking she was my friend, I wrote her this long email and poured out my heart to her. FAB was just SO supportive and was actually the one that convinced me to start a Facebook account. FAB would send emails asking how I was and what was going on, etc and I would respond back. Unfortunately, I never held anything back. Well low and behold some info came back to me that maybe FAB wasn't such a good friend to me after all. This information just absolutely devastated me. First betrayed by the one I loved and next by someone that held a special place in my heart.
I turned around and sent FAB an email that was full of lies and fake news about me. I figured that if she was feeding info to TheColdOne, the info in this email would be just too juicy to pass up. Well she did and she was. When I confronted her, she said some of the most hurtful things that anyone has every said to me (well other than TheColdOne). So my friend, FAB, turned out to be nothing more than just a pure old liar. I guess if there is any comfort in the situation, it's knowing how awfully ugly TheColdOne was about FAB and some of the disgusting things he said about her. The two of these creeps truly deserve each other.
But it's not just friends that can betray your trust. Family members of the soon to be ex will do it and not blink an eye. They'll pretend that they truly care. They will call. Heck they may even come over and bring your step-grandchildren to visit, all the while commiserating with you about what a "SH*&-head" your ex is.
Be very careful if you find yourself in this type of situation. Yes there are people that are so low that they will use their old child just to dig that old knife into your back. You can also count on YOUR ex to be stoking the fires and even go so far as to make up stuff in order to turn the family member over to "the dark side". Never say anything that you don't want to get back to your ex. Just because someone acts concerned, you don't have the benefit of seeing what is in their heart. Let time pass before you start to open up to them. You never know when that concerned former family member is nothing more than an angler fishing for information in order to feed you to the sharks. Heck this former family member may even agree to testify against you should your divorce go to trial. Or you could find statements that you made to them used against you in the interrogatories. It DOES happen - believe me.
It's a bad situation - you need to trust people again so very bad but you also have to protect yourself. Avoid opening up your heart to anyone other than your parents or your best friend that you lost touch with because your ex hated you hanging out with them. Talk to your priest or a trusted counselor. Not only will it help get it off your chest, they have training to help you manuever through this type of minefield.
Most of all - open up to God. Ask God to help you learn to discern who to trust. He will tell you in His own special way. God doesn't want us to cut ourselves off from the world so we can stay safe in our little coccoon. He wants us to live joyful and happy lives. The key is discernment and accountability.
In the Bible study "When Godly People Do UnGodly Things", Beth Moore wrote the following...
Discernment: the ability to see through the masks.
Accountability: inviting others to see through us.
Both help us see this faith thing through with integrity.
If you are able, get a copy of "When Godly People Do UnGodly Things". It is a great starting off point when you are going through the trials and tribulations of a divorce and don't know who to trust. I'll be writing more about this in later posts.
If you can't get a copy of Beth Moore's book, start reading Psalms in your Bible. David went through many similar trials of discernment and accountability. His words can provide you some comfort at this time.
In the meantime, May God Bless You.
No comments:
Post a Comment