I am a "discarded spouse". I was going along in a 10 year marriage when I was hit with the most heart wrenching words your spouse can ever say to you - "I don't love you anymore". That was followed up with the 2nd most heart-wrenching words - "I don't want to be married to you anymore". I couldn't really comprehend what he was saying - I just stood there with my mouth open. It took several moments for the words to sink in and when they did, a myriad of emotions came bursting out all at once - anger, sadness, fear, despair, desperation - you name it. What made this whole disaster even worse was his complete and utter lack of emotion while tearing me apart - cold as ice with dead eyes.
But it was worse than that - he dropped this bombshell on me when I was in the midst of a major depression. Honest to goodness I walked into the house from an appointment with my psychiatrist holding a prescription in my hand for Zoloft and Xanax when The Cold One ripped my life apart. It wasn't like this was a new diagnosis - I was diagnosed with depression over 6 years ago but decided I could come off my meds a few months prior to this announcement. There was even a suicide attempt 6 years ago.
My history didn't matter to him - in fact, he thought depression was simply an attention-getter. The ColdOne actually warned me that no "stunts" would make him change his mind (i.e. no suicide attempts). It was almost like he was hoping that I would attempt and/or be successful at suicide. What other excuse could there be for beating someone up when they were already at an emotional cliff?
That was almost 1 year ago. Thanks to my parents, my kids, my friends and most of all, God, I have survived and thrived. It hasn't been easy. I can't count the number of times I've laid on the floor crying hysterically. It certainly isn't over - the divorce is no where near finalized - mediation is pending. But I feel like a new woman with a strength and confidence I haven't felt in over 10 years.
I literally have had to start over from scratch. I had to move out (we lived in his house) with no money and a mountain of debt. He handed me a check for $1000 and bullied me to sign the papers he had drawn up. I put the check and the papers away until I could get to an attorney - that only made him angrier but I could have cared less at that point. I was lucky - I had parents who could scrape together enough money to get me into a rented townhouse and help me get set up in my new home. If not for them, I would have been living on the street somewhere as I truly had NO MONEY! Cashing that $1000 check wasn't an option - that would have been a demonstration of my acceptance of the divorce and left me with no options to pursue further money.
I plan on using this blog to serve as a resource to those going through divorce and offer my support and advice. I may not know everything but I'm a great listener plus this is my second trip on the divorce merry-go-round. Feel free to post comments, links, etc. I have enabled moderation because of all the spammers out in the blogosphere so bear with me. I'll also be updating my situation and offering up tidbits of knowledge gleaned from my experience with divorce mediation, etc.
I leave this first post with something that a friend passed along to me during my first divorce. It has helped me tremendously...
"The life I lived with _________ is over and gone. I am in an entirely new and different place now. Even though this new place isn't familiar or comfortable, I have to let go of what was because it doesn't exist anymore. This new place is my only reality."
God Bless You.
No comments:
Post a Comment