In the movie 28 Days, Sandra Bullock's character is required to wear a sign around her neck identifying one of her character flaws. In the book, The Scarlet Letter, those who had commited adultery were required to wear a scarlet "R" on their clothes. In Nazi Germany, Jews were required to wear a Star of David on their clothing so they could be easily identified as Jewish.
Those of us going through major life changes or suffering from depression feel like we are wearing a sign of some sort, even though it is invisible. I will never forget going to the grocery store with my mom 2 days before I moved out of the home I shared with TheColdOne and into my little townhouse. I was already in a fog and just completely overwhelmed. Mom wanted to make sure that I at least had the basics when I moved in and frankly I just didn't care if I had anything to eat or not.
Walking through the grocery store, I felt like I had a flashing neon "D" on top of my head. The "D" stood for a lot of things - Divorced, Depressed, Damaged. I imagined children pointing at my "D" asking their parents "what's wrong with her?" Old people were just tsk-tsk'ing as they passed by while people my age just looked at me with pure pity oozing out of every pore of their body. As we continued through the store, my head dropped lower and lower until my chin was almost on the floor. Of course, there was no "D" on my head and no one was staring, etc BUT my head was drooped lower than when we entered the store. I let my inner emotions control my reactions which in turn reinforced those negative emotions. You truly are what you feel especially when going through a crisis.
During this whole separation and divorce drama, I've worn many different letters. Sometimes it was a big fat "F" for "failure". There were times when it was a "S" for "Stupid" or an "L" for "Loser". There were times where I would wear the letter for several days in a row like a comfy sweater. Then there were times when my letter changed multiple times through out the day. The letters were a great accessory for attire during my frequent pity parties.
It was only after I turned my focus on God and my faith that things began to change. I started CHOOSING the meaning of the letters I wear. Instead of "Stupid", my S stood for "special". My "F" turned into Faith. But most importantly my "L" turned into "Loved". By choosing how I identified myself, instead of letting my emotions define me, I began the long road to learning to love myself again. I'm still on that long road and probably will be until the day I die - but at least now I know that I am on the right track. Oh there are those days were I slip up and throw on an "I" for "ignorant" but they are few and far between.
So throw off all those negative letters and signs you are wearing. Make a choice to identify yourself positively. Ask God to help you - He loves you and wants you to love yourself. After all, you were wonderfully made by His loving hands.
You'll be amazed at how just changing the meaning of one letter in the alphabet can improve your whole outlook. By the way, my "D" still stands for "divorced" but I wear that as my survivor's badge of honor.
May God Continue to Bless You All.
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