When you are going through a divorce or even some other type of life changing event, you can expect to be bombarded with comments from people who will try to convince you that you are going about things all wrong. They'll say that you should act this way or not say this or believe only that. Let that go in one ear and out the other. There is no right or wrong way to travel through the quagmire of emotions surrounding a divorce. Sure there are some things to watch out for and some behaviors that are problematic - for instance wallowing in self-pity or blame for a long period of time can keep you from moving forward. But who is to say that a little bit of wallowing is bad. There is no timetable or time limit on wallowing either. I am a firm believer of letting yourself move through the emotional minefield because bottled up emotions are much more damaging than a bout of self-pity or blame.
The important thing is to surround yourself with people that LOVE you - unconditionally. Someone who will take your bad mood with a grain of salt but are quick to call you out if the pity-party goes on too long. Someone who knows that certain days of the year can be designated "blue days" without telling you that you need to get a hobby.
Another thing to keep in mind is that if you have rediscovered (or just now discovered) your faith, expect to be confronted by those "holier than thou" people who call themselves Christian (but you know by their own words that it's simply a title in name only). Just like the grieving process of divorce, no one's experience is the same. We are all imperfect and sinners - there is no getting around that fact. Anyone that claims otherwise is simply living in a land of delusion.
The most important thing to remember is that Jesus took our sins up on that cross with him. If you sin - confess and ask God to help you not do it again. If you have a relapse, confess and ask God to help you not do it again. I personally believe that deliberately and repeatedly committing the same sin over and over is something you will have to answer for - either on this earth or in Heaven above. BUT there is no limit on the chances God gives us. He knows our heart - you can't game Him or try to trick Him. I am quick to call myself a "messy Christian" - far from perfect but not letting my mistakes weigh down my heart or dampen my faith.
Take for instance, this comment that someone left on this blog earlier today. The system administration deletes any comment that has no name or IP address attached to it. But the comments get sent to me via email so I do get to see them.
"I am recently divorced and thought your website my bring some comfort...Boy was I wrong. I am a christian and cannot beleive how one moment you speak the words of GOD and the next, some of the most evil things are said. And suicide...yes it is painful for everyone, that is why HE is unforgiving for such actions. A true beleiver, having FAITH in HIM would not succumb to such selfish acts. I would think you would use more time praying for forgiveness for your sin and less time blaming your ex for your actions. Bitter because of divorce is one thing, CRAZY is another..."
I'm still trying to figure out what "the most evil things" I've said are. But what really un-nerved me was the remarks about God being unforgiving when it comes to an attempted suicide. You see, I believe God was the reason the suicide attempt was just that - an attempt. It was my wake up call to get back to my faith and open my heart to His love. The fact that it has been over 2 years since any attempt or even thought of suicide is a testament to His love and the power of faith.
Being called names like "crazy" doesn't bother me - Heck TheColdOne said that all the time and probably still does. Come to think of it, the entire comment sounds a lot like some of the stuff TheColdOne said to or about me or had his "friends" tell me. Hmmmm...
Anyway - don't let the judgmental self-righteous asses get you down. If you are anything like me, you have probably beaten yourself up enough to cover anything someone decides to fling at you. Just remember that God loves you - even if you are messy like me. Don't ever believe otherwise!
May God Bless You
No comments:
Post a Comment